Austin Powers Quotes

Austin Powers: You have a right to be jealous. I shagged her!
Vanessa: Austin?
Austin Powers: I shagged her rotten!

Dr. Evil: When I get angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset. And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset... people die!

Austin: There you are!
Las Vegas Tourist: Do I know you?
Austin: No, but that's where you are, you're there!

Basil Exposition: No, Austin the cold war is over.
Austin Powers: Ah good. Now those capitalist swine can get what they deserve, eh comrades?

Austin Powers: Only sailors use condoms, baby.
Vanessa Kensington: Not in the nineties, Austin.
Austin Powers: Well they should, those filthy beggars, they go from port to port.

Dr. Evil: There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum. It's breathtaking, I suggest you try it.

Dr. Evil: Scott, I want you to meet daddy's nemesis, Austin Powers
Scott Evil: What? Are you feeding him? Why don't you just kill him?
Dr. Evil: I have an even better idea. I'm going to place him in an easily ecapable situation involving an overly elaborate and exotic death.
[Dr. Evil has left Austin and Vanessa to their doom. ]
Scott Evil: Wait, aren't you even going to watch them? They could get away!
Dr. Evil: No, no, no. I'm going to leave them alone and not actually witness them dying. I'm just gonna assume it all went to plan. ...What?

Austin: Vanessa has a fantastic body, I bet she shags like a minx.

Dr. Evil: Mr. Bigglesworth is upset. And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset, people DIE!

Scott Evil: I was thinking I like animals. Maybe I'd be a vet.
Dr. Evil: An evil vet?
Scott Evil: No! Maybe like work in a petting zoo.
Dr. Evil: An evil petting zoo?
Scott Evil: You always do that!

[Austin Powers, frozen since the sixties, awakes in the nineties.]
Austin Powers: As long as people are still having premartial sex with many anonymous partners while at the same time experimenting with mind-expanding drugs in a consequence-free environment, I'll be sound as a pound!

Dr. Evil: The details of my life are inconsequential.
Dr. Evil: My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a 15 year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy - the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical: summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring, we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard, really.

Scott Evil: "I don't think he likes me. I think he wants to kill me.
Therapist: He doesn't really want to kill you. Sometimes we just say that.
Dr. Evil: No actually the boy is very astute. I really do want to kill him.

Mustafa: You shot me! You shot me right in the arm and it really hurts!


Austin Powers: "There are only two things in this world that scares me and one is nuclear war.
Basil: What's the other?
Austin Powers: Huh?
Basil: What's the other thing that scares you?
Austin Powers: Carnies. Circus folk. Filthy buggers they smell like cabbage.

Paddy O'Brien: They're always after me lucky charms.

[Filling out a form.]
Austin Powers: Name? Austin Danger Powers. Sex? Yes please!

Austin Powers: Allow myself to introduce... myself.

Austin Powers: Judo chop!
[Austin and Vanessa watch a man be decapitated.]
Austin Powers: Not the time to lose one's head.
Vanessa: No.
Austin Powers: That's not the way to get to the head of a major corporation.
Vanessa: No.
Austin Powers: Not very head strong, was he?
Vanessa: That's enough.
Austin Powers: Right.

Vanessa: Oh Austin, that's you in a nutshell.
Austin Powers: No, this is me in a nutshell: "Help! I'm in a nutshell! How did I get into this nutshell?"

U.N. Repressentative: So, Mr. Evil -
Dr. Evil: It's Dr. Evil, I didn't spend six years in Evil Medical School to be called "mister," thank you very much.

Dr. Evil: You know, I have one simple request, and that is to have sharks with freakin' laser beams attached to their heads. Now evidently my cycloptic colleague informs me that that can't be done. Can you remind me what I pay you people for? Honestly, throw me a bone here!

Austin Powers: Au contraire baby, you can't resist me.

Austin Powers: Do you like to wash up a bit before? Personally, before I'm on the job I like to give me undercarriage a bit of a "How's your father."

Austin: That's not your mother, it's a man, baby!

Austin: You must admit she is rather mannish. Really, if that is a woman she must have been beaten with an ugly stick.

Austin: That really hurt! Who throws a shoe? Honestly!

Austin: Why take the stairs when I have a perfectly good canoe right here?

Austin: Actually, my name is Austin Powers. Danger is my middle name.

Austin: You're shaggidelic, baby!

Austin: Do I make you horny? Randy? Do I?

Scott Evil: I wish I'd never been artificially created in a lab!

Austin: It's freedom, baby, yeah, baby, yeah!

[On being told that the West has won the Cold War]
Austin Powers: Groovy. Smashing. Yea, capitalism!
Dr. Evil: There's nothing so pathetic as an aging hipster.

Alotta Fagina: In Japan, men come first and women come second.
Austin: Or sometimes not at all.

Dr. Evil: Begin the unnecessarily slow-moving dipping mechanism!


Dr. Evil: In the springtime we'd make meat helmets.


Austin Powers: So what exactly do you do, Number Two?
Number Two: That's my business. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go to the little boys' room.

Austin Powers: I can't believe Liberace was gay! Women loved him! I didn't see that one coming.